I was a school counselor for four years. In many ways, it was the most fun I had in my career! As I was contemplating moving “to the dark side” into administration, I asked some school leaders I respected what they though about me moving in that direction.
Every one of them told me that school counselors make bad administrators.
They told me that school counselors are too “soft” and will give in too much.
Two things:
I hope I have proved them wrong and…
The most valuable skills I have used as a school leader came from my training as a counselor. I will be very specific with the one skill that has helped me the most: the ability to “sit in someone else’s shoes.” In other words, the ability to be empathetic.
You see, what I really think my mentors were talking about was their belief that school counselors would not be able to hold people accountable. They were making a common mistake in defining empathy and accountability. They believe that empathy makes people “soft.”
I, of course, disagree. I believe empathy is a skill that helps you create accountability in people and the system you lead.
Since I am getting a little long in the tooth in my school leadership days, I have three ways I think about the intersection of empathy and accountability.
1. Empathy without accountability is just coddling.
Too many leaders confuse being kind with being soft…my mentors sure did! In my view, empathy is not an excuse to avoid high standards, it’s actually the foundation to help people reach them!
Action Step: Start meetings (both one-on-one and larger ones) with a personal check-in, but end the meeting with clear follow-ups and expectations.
2. Relationships aren’t built in staff meetings.
I have seen too many school leaders (myself included) who believe a great welcoming speech on the first day of school, or a wonderful Christmas party, builds the relationships that are necessary to combine empathy and accountability.
Action Step: Block monthly one-on-ones with your team. let them set the agenda for the meeting and show up with tape over your mouth so you will listen and learn.
3. Be Curious because empathy is about not being judgmental
Great leaders are less controlling and more curious. They don’t jump to fix the problem; they listen and allow space for a person (or a team) to create their own solution.
Action Step: Summarize what you have learned in a conversation before you give an opinion. It shows people that you listened to what they had to say, and it serves as a feedback loop so you don’t have a mistaken assumption about what was said.
Let me know if this was helpful. My reflections were based on a blog I read. You can find the blog post below.